i had 0 problems with the 1st Berkeley tournament i ran back in October. none at all. not a single problem arose.

today in Berkeley, i had about 10 director's calls, ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. plus there were several people acting like boors, idiots, and/or assholes, some of whom gave me a hard time as well as doing things like yelling at the waitstaff. plus entire divisions did their math wrong. and there are 2 people who showed who said they were NASPA members and arent, so now i'm out $60.

why am i doing this again?

i was 2-3-1 in the actual event, as if it matters. i'm too pissed off to care.

sorry, food mavens, i've been cooking up standard stuff here of late, stuff that i've posted before. but i'm in the mood for something different tonight ...

as much as Chef Jackass is an enemy of the "Eat to Live" American food culture, Chef Jackass is a big fan of American cuisine, which is diverse and rich and has lots to offer. and tonight we're going for an old American standby:

Chicken Fried Steak
"Only a rank degenerate would drive 1500 miles across Texas without eating a chicken fried steak."
– Larry McMurtry
aka, "What German Immigrants Created When They Tried To Make a Schnitzel in Texas." this is a wonderful dish, fun to make, and nice to have as a change of pace. in other words, we'll go back to eating healthy again tomorrow ...

( yums )

Husky Scum 30:0 Good Guys in the Apple Cup in Seattle. the Cougs finish the year 1-11, and are 3-22 over the past 2 years. wow, that team is inept.

and with that, the bad football portion of this journal gets stashed away – until next year, when the Cougars go 1-11 again, beat Montana St. and nobody else. wont that be fun ...

sophonax and i started a Thanksgiving Eve tradition last year, which we partook again in today, in which we go down to the Ferry Bldg. and SPLURGE! cost is irrelevant. we wander the entire length of San Francisco's greatest food court and buy whatever looks good, make an incredible dinner out of it. its meant to celebrate abundance and good fortune, but its also a way to support some wonderful people who are trying to do the right thing. buying high end foods is like going to a high end restaurant – you are paying for talent, above all else. the small stands in the Ferry Bldg. are true artisans and craftsmen of agriculture. all the veggies that follow are organic; all foods come from farms, ranches, and fisheries that believe in sustainable agriculture practices.

first off, i had to make a dish for tomorrow. we're having dinner with my buddy David in Alameda, like i usually do. i think i posted this recipe last year, but it demands an encore, specifically because David demanded an encore. "make that squash dish you brought a year ago," he said. OK, you got it ...

Calibacitas
this is my preëminent veggie dish, a New Mexican dish which features a food that i dont really like very much:


never been a big fan of squashes, but this dish serves them well.

to make this dish, you want to dice up and mix up the following goodies:
1. i've got a diced white onion and 12 cloves of crushed garlic, and i'm going to brown these in some olive oil over high heat here in my wok.
2. next, we add 2 diced bell peppers – i have one orange, one red. you have to tend to this dish, stir it up and agitate the veggies quite a bit as you go.
3. now we want to add 1/2 a stick of butter. let the butter melt slow, stir it in in, let it coat everything good.
4. now we add our squashes. tonight, i have 2 zucchini and 2 of the round little yellow ones. stir that in good.
5. this is a New Mexican dish, so of course we need some chiles. i now add 2 little cans of chopped green chile. i also add 3 chipotles and dribble in some of the adobo sauce. thats gonna add a nice smoky flavor. the green chile is gonna be pretty mild in this dish, because we're eating with wimps, but thats OK. its still going to have a nice rich flavor. when i make this for myself, i go crazy with the chile and bring that heat.
6. drain a can of corn, stir it in.
7. now you want to take a can of black beans, wash the beans and get all the starchy stuff off of them, and then toss it in.
8. by now you've got quite a bit of liquid in there, so you want to turn this down to medium-high, cover and let it go about 15 mins., let it reduce down. your squashes should be soft and tender. if not, let the mix cook longer. scoop it out of the wok into a bowl, leaving all that extra liquid behind.

this is a gorgeous dish. we have all sorts of striking colours, its hearty and really great as a side.

but that's for tomorrow. as for tonight ...
( rulage )

i said to sophonax today, "should i try to find the game online?" and she said, "whats the worst that could happen?" well, when it comes to WSU, theyve already reached their threshold of misery the past couple years. it really cant get any worse as they play out the string. and the results today were predictable – Oregon St. 42:10 WSU – altho the Cougs were only down 21:10 at the half, which counts as some sort of moral victory.

my comedic love of bad football has gotten me thru the past couple of seasons. done badly, its the best of all sports to watch. bad basketball is boring – teams cant shoot, so they just throw up one brick after another. bad baseball is usually teams who cant hit and/or have pitchers with control problems. seriously, is anything duller than walking the bases loaded? bad hockey just looks like 5 guys skating around who dont know what theyre doing. i dont like watching bad golf (tee shot into the trees) or bad tennis (serve into the net) because if i wanted to see that i'd just go and watch myself playing them. bad football is the best because football is all about attention to detail, and so there are any number of things that can go wrong – and bad teams do them all. they jump offside, they drop passes, have punts blocked, miss extra points, miss blocks, miss tackles. fumbles, interceptions, 12 men on the field (seriously, how hard is it to count to 11?) its literally a comedy of errors.

with a team as bad as WSU, you never know how they're going to screw up on the next play. i thought i'd seen it all, and yet even now they surprise me with some sort of inept play the likes of which i've never seen before. today was almost disappointing in that they really didnt screw up that much. they just lost. its the only aspect of the game they seem to have mastered.

Apple Cup next week. die Husky scum. yeah, right. pfft ...

i just used my position of authority shamelessly and offered up a bribe. i have to say i'm pleased by this development.

on a related note, hey captaino, answer my email, damn it.

got off to a good start today in Mountain View, blasting Jerry 444:284, but then it went south from there. 2-4 -210 or so, 5th place in Div. 1. i didnt play badly but i just had no timing today – whatever big play i had just wouldnt go on the board. Lewis puts down UDON and now my RESEIZE bingo plays for 100 – then he decides to pick up the N and now it doesnt play. Ed plays the X for 52 in the space i'd play the Q for 65, then blocks my (I)NVECTED 101 pt. bingo later on. VIZSLAs wont play against Lewis in our repechage, but VIZS(L)A will for 66 ... and it gets blocked.

this went on for most of the day. sigh. just one of those days where stuff doesnt work. so i'll lose a few rating pts., down to 1737, but i felt like i did OK. i've certainly finished higher while playing worse in past events. oh well. thats how it goes sometimes.

well, tailskid, your EMU squad may be the worst football team in the country, but you cant say the Good Guys arent doing their best ... uh ... worst ... to keep up.

today they played a UCLA team that isnt very good, and the Cougs lost 43:7 at home. their one good player, the true frosh QB, got hurt last week, and his replacement promptly threw three INTs on the first three possessions of the game today.

they were down 14:0 after the 1st Quarter. they have now been outscored 159:3 in the 1st Quarters of games this year. in fact, in the last 2 years, they have only been ahead during regulation once against a Div. 1 opponent. (both their wins were by 3 pts. in OT where the winning kicks were their only lead of the game.)

to add to the fun today, they then opened up the 2nd Quarter by giving up a 70-yd TD run to UCLA's slow-footed QB who you could time in the 40 with a sundial. then they had a punt blocked for a safety. it just got worse and worse from there. i watched the game online with a sort of stunned amazement and morbid curiosity, in awe of just how truly wretched that team is.

thank god basketball season has started.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals,
I'm a vegetarian because I HATE PLANTS!!!
– A. Whitney Brown

as you may have noticed, Chef Jackass does love the meatses. however, the Chef also digs the plants as well, and skin_it_mahatma was asking for a few more recipes for the Chef's herbivore friends, so it seemed logical to oblige.

there are few things in the world more cruel than vegetable abuse. veggies are yummy, and should be prepared and served with love. instead, we too often are presented with squushy slop, or force-fed miserably bland, overcooked greens. thats totally unacceptable. so its time we stop abusing our vegetables and giving them the sort of love and care that they deserve.

few veggies have suffered greater indignity in history than our good friend here, the humble cabbage:



and the greatest indignity of all committed against cabbage is what passes in most parts of America as cole slaw. few items will send picnicgoers running for the exits (if not the restrooms) faster than company cole slaw – slimy, gooey, sloppy mush, drowned in Hellmans or some other 2nd division mayo. barf. thats not food! thats wallpaper paste! c'mon people, we can do better than this!

Dominant Cole Slaw
the term "cole slaw," in fact, refers to any sort of shredded cabbage dish. its originally a Dutch invention, and how we got to the current American tradition of cabbage slimery is beyond me. but i'm putting a stop to that with this recipe that will totally dominate. this recipe is a variation of another traditional southern BBQ recipe, an excellent side fixin' for your eating pleasure.

i should point out that the Official Girlfriend of Chef Jackass has declared herself skeptical, having been subjected to way too much bad cabbage in her lifetime. but thats OK – Chef Jackass is gettin' busy, so yet again the odds are in our favor.

6:30 pm
1. shred, slice and dice
we've got 2 heads of cabbage here – one green, one red. i've also got this lovely bell pepper here, which i'm going to dice. i'm also going to chop a stalk of celery, some carrots, and some old red and white onions. ah, what the hell ... lets throw in a jalapeño as well. i'm going to combine all of this together in a bowl, and i'm going to add a cup of sugar. this recipe makes A LOT.

2. secret sauce!
well, its not a secret. its actually a boiled vinaigrette. I've got 2C of apple cider vinegar here, and i'm going to combine this with 1C of olive oil. i'm also going to add some rock salt here, about 1 T or so. i also like a little ZING! here, so i'm going to add some Tabasco. i put this a sauce pan and let it come to a slow boil.

3. mix
and now i'm going to combine the secret sauce with the greens, mix it well to coat. cover and chill for 2 hrs. in the fridge while i turn my attention to this lamb roast that i have for tonight ...

7:15 pm
of course i know what to do with lamb – make more BBQ sauce!

xp's South Carolina style BBQ sauce
combine this in a cheap shit pan on the stove:
• 2C brown mustard
• 4 oz. beer
• 1/2C apple cider vinegar
• 3 pinches of brown sugar
• 1 1/2 T adobo sauce
• T worcestershire sauce
• 1/2 T cayenne
• T salt
• crushed black pepper

bring to a slow boil, simmer 10 mins. and let that thicken. put it in the fridge for 2 hrs. i pretty much just made that up on the fly here. but yeah, thats pretty much going to rule on the lamb ...

8:20 pm
tonight's main course is encrusted in a mix of red pepper flakes, oregano, sea salt, and crushed black pepper, with a smidgen of cumin thrown in. time to make some cornbread. and do some more dishes. sigh ...

9:15 pm
dinner is served! the slaw has a lovely purple color from the red cabbage, the vinegar isnt too overpowering. its still crisp and fresh to taste. for a kick, i'll throw some N. Carolina red sauce from the other night on the slaw – cabbage is tough, it can handle a wet sauce and not so get limp. delicious. served up beside grilled lamb with mustard sauce and cornbread. berries for dessert.

KC says, "i guess i'm just not a slaw eater, but its still better than that wallpaper paste." well, we cant convert everyone, i suppose.

i'm currently reading the book Salt by Mark Kurlansky, which is a great read for you foodies out there. its all about the history of salt, and how precious a commodity salt used to be. it also has all sorts of crazy old recipes, like this one from the book De re coquinaria, attributed to Marcus Gavius Apicius (the actual author is of dispute), which is the oldest cookbook still in existence. this next dish apparently was haute cuisine in the Roman era. what do you think, should i make this for the shindig next year? or maybe this would be a big hit at my office holiday party:

Place cooked mallows, leeks, beets, or cooked cabbage sprouts, roasted thrushes and quenelles of chicken, tidbits of pork and squab, chicken, and other similar shreds of fine meats that may be available. Arrange everything in alternating layers in a mold. Crush pepper and lovage with two parts old wine, one part garum, one part honey and a little oil. Taste, and when well-mixed and in due proportions put in a sauce pan and allow to heat moderately. When boiling, add a pint of milk in which about eight eggs have been dissolved. pour over the mold and heat slowly but do not allow to boil, and serve when thickened, unmolding the dish before serving.

um, yuck. i think i'll stick to pozole.